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Marriage Facts ( worth the read - seriously ) Part 2

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« on: September 28, 2013, 09:13:00 am »

14. Be clean, modest, orderly, and dutiful.
"In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel." 1 Timothy 2:9. "She ... works with willing hands." "She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household." "She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness." Proverbs 31:13, 15, 27, RSV.* "Be ye clean." Isaiah 52:11. "Let all things be done decently and in order." 1 Corinthians 14:40. "If any provide not ... for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel." 1 Timothy 5:8. "Be not slothful." Hebrews 6:12.

Answer:   Laziness, disorder, dirt, and slovenliness are the devil's weapons to destroy your respect and affection for one another, and thus ruin your marriage. Neat, modest attire and clean, well-groomed bodies are essential for both husband and wife. The meals should be wholesome, attractive, and served on time. The home should be clean and orderly, because this brings peace, calmness, and satisfaction to all. A lazy, shiftless husband who does not provide for his household is a curse to his family and an insult to God. Carelessness in some of these seemingly small matters is destroying homes by the thousands.

*The Revised Standard Version of the Bible, (C) 1946, 1952, 1971 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the USA. Used by permission.

Harsh, angry words crush your spouse's desire to please you.

15. Determine to speak softly and kindly.
"A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger." Proverbs 15:1. "Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest." Ecclesiastes 9:9. "When I became a man, I put away childish things." 1 Corinthians 13:11.

Answer:   Force yourself to speak softly and kindly to your spouse. Silence, when one is attacked, is often the best method to cool wrath. Decisions made when angry, tired, or discouraged are unreliable anyway, so it's best to relax and let anger cool. And when you do speak, let it always be quietly and lovingly. Harsh, angry words crush your spouse's desire to please you.

Discuss and agree in money matters.

16. Be reasonable in money matters.
"It [love] is not possessive. ... Love has good manners and does not pursue selfish advantage." 1 Corinthians 13:4, 5, Phillips.* "God loveth a cheerful giver." 2 Corinthians 9:7.

Answer:   All possessions and income in marriage should be "ours," not "yours" and "mine." Wives who don't work outside the home should receive a regular amount for groceries, clothing, and other budgeted items. It should be cheerfully provided instead of grudgingly released under protest. Wife and husband both should have small, equal sums (whenever possible) to spend as desired without giving account. A miserly husband usually angers his wife into being a spender, just as a wasteful husband makes a wife stingy. Showing confidence in your companion's managing ability will usually make him or her more businesslike.

*Reprinted with the permission of Macmillan Publishing Company from The New Testament in Modern English, Revised Edition by J. B. Phillips, (C) 1958, 1960, 1972 by J. B. Phillips.

The New Testament in Modern English by J. B. Phillips. Reprinted by permission of Harper-Collins Publishers Limited.

Talking things over together will avoid many blunders that could destroy your marriage.

17. Talk things over and counsel together freely.
"It [love] is neither anxious to impress nor does it cherish inflated ideas of its own importance. ... It is not touchy." 1 Corinthians 13:4, 5, Phillips.* "He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul." Proverbs 15:32. "Seest thou a man wise in his own conceit? there is more hope of a fool than of him." Proverbs 26:12.

Answer:   Few things will strengthen your marriage more than counseling together on all major decisions. Changing a job or purchasing a home, an automobile, a boat, furniture, clothing (major items at least), and all other items that require money involve both husband and wife, and the opinions of both should be considered. Talking things over together will avoid many blunders that could ruin your marriage. If, after much discussion and earnest prayer, opinions still differ, the wife should submit to her husband's decision. Scripture is clear on this. (See Ephesians 5:22-24.)

*Reprinted with the permission of Macmillan Publishing Company from The New Testament in Modern English, Revised Edition by J. B. Phillips, (C) 1958, 1960, 1972 by J. B. Phillips.

The New Testament in Modern English by J. B. Phillips. Reprinted by permission of Harper-Collins Publishers Limited.

18. I want my home to be a place the angels of heaven enjoy visiting.

Thought Questions

1. Which marriage partner should be the first to confess after a quarrel?
The one who was in the right!

2. Could you suggest a rule for a meddlesome mother-in-law?
Yes! Be quiet and mind your own business! (See 1 Thessalonians 4:11.) In fact, this rule applies to all in-laws. Many a marriage that might have been a little heaven on earth has been changed into hell by in-laws. The duty of all in-laws is to leave the newly established home strictly alone.

3. My husband is a godless man, and I am trying to be a Christian. His influence is terrible. Should I divorce him?
No! Read 1 Corinthians 7:12-14 and 1 Peter 3:1, 2. God gives a specific answer.

4. When my husband displeases me, I won't sleep with him. He says I am wrong. Am I?
Yes! God gives a definite answer to this question in 1 Corinthians 7:4, 5.

5. My wife ran off with another man. Now repentant, she wants to return home. My pastor says I should take her back, but God forbids this, doesn't He?
No. No, indeed! God permits divorce for adultery, but does not command it. Forgiveness is always better and is always in order. (See Matthew 6:14, 15.) Divorce will seriously mar your life and the lives of your children. Give her another chance! The golden rule (Matthew 7:12) applies here. If you and your wife will turn your lives over to Christ, He will make your marriage supremely happy. It is not too late.

6. What can I do? Men are always attempting familiarities with me.
Be very careful of your conduct. God says, "Abstain from all appearance of evil." 1 Thessalonians 5:22. Perhaps your conduct around men--a suggestive smile, immodest clothing, off-color jokes, or a "too relaxed" and comfortable attitude--encourages their advances. There is something about Christian reserve and dignity that keeps a man in his place. Christ said, "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." Matthew 5:16. When Christ really shines from your life, you will have little trouble with evil men and their advances.

7. Can you tell me simply and plainly what God's counsel is to one who has fallen but is truly repentant?
Long ago Christ gave a pointed and comforting answer to one who had fallen into immorality but was repentant. He said, "Go, and sin no more." John 8:11. His counsel still applies today.

8. Isn't the "innocent party" in a divorce sometimes partially guilty also?
Certainly. Sometimes the "innocent party," by lovelessness, inattentiveness, self-righteousness, unkindness, selfishness, nagging, and downright coldness, can encourage evil thoughts and actions in his or her spouse. Sometimes the "innocent party" may be equally as guilty before God as the "guilty" one. God looks upon our motives and judges accordingly. "For the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7.

9. Does God expect me to live with a physically abusive spouse?
Physical abuse can be life threatening and is a serious problem that demands immediate attention. The spouse and family members who have been physically abused must find a safe environment in which to live. Both husband and wife need to seek professional help through a qualified Christian marriage counselor.

Quiz Questions

1. Marriage is (1)
_____   The joining of a man and woman together by God for life.
_____   A temporary, experimental arrangement to see if two people are compatible.
_____   Not even necessary. Men and women are free to live together without it.

2. God recognizes only one reason for divorce. It is (1)
_____   Incompatibility.
_____   An irritable spouse.
_____   Adultery or fornication.
_____   Godlessness of marriage partner.

3. The courtesies of courtship (1)
_____   Should be continued in the married life.
_____   Should be dropped quickly after the wedding.
_____   Are really silly and unnecessary.

4. The best guarantee of success in marriage is (1)
_____   Having Christ in the hearts and home.
_____   For the husband to force his wife into line.
_____   For the wife to get her way by threatening divorce.

5. For safety in quarrels, do the following: (3)
_____   Speak softly and kindly to one another.
_____   Make your spouse admit error.
_____   Call in neighbors to settle things.
_____   Force your spouse to keep quiet.
_____   Walk out and stay away for several days.
_____   Pray together.
_____   Get over your anger before retiring for the night.

6. Check the items that are keys to success in marriage: (2)
_____   Close the family circle to all third parties.
_____   Live in your parents' home.
_____   Run home to mother when angry.
_____   Tell close friends your spouse's faults.
_____   Establish your own private home.
_____   Write an old boyfriend for counsel.
_____   Never confess first after a spat.

7. The best ways to improve your marriage partner are to (2)
_____   Threaten to leave unless you get your way.
_____   Nag and criticize.
_____   Improve your own relationship with Jesus Christ.
_____   Make your partner sleep alone.
_____   Be loving, appreciative, and forgiving.
_____   Force your partner to change.

8. Check the items below which endanger a marriage: (6)
_____   Criticism.
_____   A stingy husband.
_____   A money-wasting wife.
_____   Laziness.
_____   A Christian home.
_____   Praying together.
_____   Disorder and filthiness.
_____   A forgiving spirit.
_____   Jealousy.

9. For success in making major decisions, (2)
_____   Husband and wife should counsel together.
_____   Husband should force his will on his wife.
_____   Seek God in prayer together.
_____   Insist upon having your own way.

10. A good rule for in-laws is to (1)
_____   Tend your own business and leave the newlyweds alone.
_____   Insist that newlyweds live with you.
_____   Determine to counsel newlyweds whether they want it or not.

11. In case of unfaithfulness by your spouse, the best thing to do is to (1)
_____   Leave at once and never come back.
_____   Immediately tell everyone how "low-down" your partner is.
_____   Be willing to forgive and to preserve your home, if at all possible.

12. Thoughts should be guarded carefully because (2)
_____   Impure thoughts lead to impure acts.
_____   Your spouse can read your thoughts.
_____   Wrong thinking will destroy your marriage.

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